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1. No marriage is perfect; all marriages could have some problems, till the end; this should be regarded as a test from Allah which requires Sabr (patience).
2. Always focus on the positive aspects of marriage and regard it as a blessing from Allah Ta’ala which requires Shukr (gratitude).
3. Regard your partner as someone ordained for you by your Creator, so accept His decree willingly.
4. Realise that people are different in temperament, habits and background. The challenge of marriage is learning to accept and adapt.
5. Realise that Allah Ta’ala has made man and woman different; man is to be the kind and compassionate protector of a woman, not her tormentor.
6. Each partner must try to fulfil rights of the other and at times forgo his/her own rights; one partner must not fight for and demand rights.
7. Accept that no person is perfect; all have some faults. Focus on one's own faults; not on next person's faults. Do not look for faults or highlight the next person's faults all the time.
8. Never try to be a perfectionist in marriage.
9. Make a firm commitment to make marriage work; affirm this by word and deed. Do not say or do things that may damage the marriage.
10. Be considerate of one's partner and be sensitive to one's partner; do not hurt feelings.
11. Appreciate each other and express it now and then. Do not take the next person or favours for granted.
12. Always be objective, not emotional; be rational, balanced and just.
13. Avoid assumptions, suspicions and a negative perception of one's partner. Always give benefit of doubt. Verify facts before jumping to conclusions or making accusations.
14. Gradually work towards overcoming one's weaknesses; give the next person a chance; be accommodating, not harsh.
15. Never be defensive and admit your mistakes; Allah Ta’ala alone is perfect. Avoid cynicism, pessimism, aggression and negativity.
16. Anger is dangerous; it is also Haram. Control it by reading, drinking water, making Wudhu, etc.
17. Do not walk away in anger for more than a few hours; try to make up as quickly as possible with loving gestures.
18. Listen to the next person attentively, calmly, patiently; do not comment right away; think it over; take time to respond.
19. Lots of communication is required; communication requires skill and tact.
20. Compromise is essential; marriage is not a one way street; it is a dual road.
21. Consultation in a friendly manner in all major issues is important.
22. Balance the rights of everyone; help one another to fulfil rights.
23. Learn to relax and unwind; be humourous, not tense and anxious all the time.
24. Be polite and courteous in speech, not rude and abrupt; do not scream or shout.
25. Forgive and forget; everyone makes mistakes.
26. Do not bring up the past; look forward, not backward. Let bygones be bygones. Just as we want Allah Ta’ala to forgive us, forgive others.
27. Mutual respect is important; never run down one's partner.
28. Help each other in housework and chores; a working mum has extra pressures.
29. Take interest in the next person's matters; do not be selfish and self-centred.
30. Physical and verbal abuse is absolutely unacceptable.
31. Confidentiality is important; never discuss your personal life with too many people; consult a pious elder or learned Alim if problems occur; but do not bottle up problems.
32. Time away from each other occasionally is healthy for the relationship.
33. Try and spend free time together, especially evenings and most weekends.
34. Money matters must be done with consultation. Save and be thrifty, but also not to the extreme; do not be too extravagant or too miserly.
35. Have a medical check up for hypertension, diabetes, etc. which can cause anger and frustration.
36. No point in attributing all problems to Sihr (Jadu); avoid doubts. If necessary consult only an authentic Aamil (read Manzil for protection).
37. Romance is needed to revive the marriage.
38. Come onto Deen fully. Perform Salah, Zikr, Tilawah; attend Deeni programmes; start Taleem at home even for few minutes; avoid sins and change your lifestyle.
39. When things go wrong, always ask: Where have we gone wrong? Rectify wrongs, give up sins, repent, and all will come right soon, Insha Allah.
40. Never underestimate the power of Dua; ask Allah Ta’ala for His help at all times, especially when things are not right.
41. Each one will go to his own grave and stand alone before Allah Ta’ala to answer for himself, not for others. With this in mind, do one's duty and leave the rest to Allah Ta’ala.
Dua for Uniting the Hearts
اَللَّهُمَّ اَلِّفْ بَيْنَ قُلُوْبِنَا وَ اَصْلِحْ ذَاتَ بَيْنِنَا وَاهْدِنَا سُبُلَ السَلام - وَ نَجِّنَا مِنَ الظُّلُمَاتِ اِلَي النُّوْرِ - وَ جَنِّبْنَا الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَ مَا بَطَن - وَ بَارِكْ لَنَا فِي اَسْمَاعِنَا وَ اَبْصَارِنَا وَ قُلُوْبِنَا وَ اَزْوَاجِنَا وَ ذُرِّيَّاتِنَا وَ تُبْ عَلَيْنَا اِنَّكَ اَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيْم - وَاجْعَلَّنَا شَاكِرِيْنَ لِنِعْمَتِكَ - مُثْنِيْنَ بِهَا قَابِلِيْهَا - وَ اَتْمَّهَا عَلَيْنَا
O Allah, unite our hearts and put right for us our mutual affairs. Guide us to the path of peace, release us from darkness to Your light, save us from obscene practices whether hidden or open. Bless us in our ears, eyes, hearts, wives and children and accept our repentance. Verily You are Most Forgiving Most Merciful. Make us thankful to You for Your favours that we may welcome it and be pleased to fulfil Your bounty upon us.
