In the noble religion of Islam “the marriage” (“the nikāh”) is ONLY between a male and a female. The couple in this union is known as two “spouses” or “two partners”. The most amazing thing about this union is that it is super unique. Each of the partners come from absolutely different backgrounds, and sometimes from diverse cultures, and yet they live together in mutual peace and happiness.
Hence, bonding and gelling between the newly married couple requires a great degree of tolerance, acceptance and patience. However, this is more easily said than done ... living together as ONE UNIT. In this regard, our beloved Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam), with his Divinely Inspired intuition, has laid out the most easy, pragmatic and rational solutions to any and all scenarios in this Union.
Indeed, the blame game is a common problem between a husband and a wife. Our Leader Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) singled out one “core issue” which serves as the “poisoned chalice”. As the “the marriage” (“the nikāh”) grows, it becomes more and more challenging to maintain a sound balance between the spouses. Commonly, the husband believes that his wife is like him in everything … i.e. … the way he does things, the manner in which he thinks, the methods in which he plans daily programmes, and even the manner in which he speaks. This is obviously most unrealistic and most un-natural. The one cannot be a “mirror image” of the other.
Especially when one accepts that this Union comprise TWO completely different individuals from vastly differing backgrounds and cultures.
Yet another insensitive and bothersome issue, is the husband regularly finding faults in his esteemed partner. The husband needs to accept, that his noble partner has her OWN way of life … i.e. … the way she does things, the manner in which she thinks, the methods she uses to plan daily programmes, and even the manner in which she speaks. This is simply the most realistic and most natural truth. She is not … and can’t be … a “mirror image” of the husband.
The above, in no way implies that the wife’s undesirable Allah-displeasing habits should be overlooked. Even for these possibilities our beloved Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has set out most clear and just methods of remediation.
Hadhrat Abu Huraira (RA) reports that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) stated:- “A Muslim man should not (in general) hate a Muslim woman (i.e. generalise and decide that there is no good in her). However, if he (the husband) dislikes an action/deed/utterance, then he should like (and acknowledge) her other good action/deed/utterance."(Muslim)
As human beings, it is only natural that when a husband and a wife live together then there will be certain likes and dislikes in each other. One disliked action of the wife, in no way means that all and every action of his esteemed wife should be condemned.
Indeed, in the guidance, advices, and cautions of our beloved Nabi ﷺ are the solutions to all of life’s challenges.
Darul Ihsan Centre