I have been separated from my husband for five years. He refuses to give me a divorce. I believe that my marriage was full of deceit. My husband lied to me about a number of things to name a few; his age his contact with other women etc. Despite him being outwardly pious i found him lacking in Islamic character. I found after marriage that he chatted with many women on the net as well as keeping in touch with his ex-fiancé and justified this. These are just a few examples of the type of the life I had apart from many domestic problems with his family. The bottom line being I am extremely unhappy and after finding out that he lied to me i could no longer trust him and lost respect for him because of his un-Islamic character. I asked for an Islamic divorce and he refused. We have two children from this marriage. Please help me resolve this matter. Jazakallahu khair for taking the time to read this letter.
Your sister in Islam
Respected Sister in Islam
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
We thank you for your query and for the opportunity to be of service. We are deeply perturbed by your matter and pray that Allah Ta'ala alleviates the uneasiness and grants you happiness.
Since you have been separated for a lengthy period, it is imperative for you to seek an urgent resolution to your matter. If you are of the opinion that the relationship has lost all purpose and direction and you are certain that your differences with your husband are irreconcilable, then you may consider abiding by the following Quranic injunctions:
“And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion from her husband, there is no sin on both of them if they make terms of peaceful settlement between themselves; and reconciling amicably is better.” (4:128)
"And if both parties (husband and wife) fear that they are unable to uphold the limitations ordained by Allah, then it is no sin for either of them if the woman ransom's herself (returns her dower) in lieu of the divorce. These are the limits ordained by Allah ..." (2:229)
The Quran advises parties in distress to resolve matters in an amicable manner by seeking the intervention of responsible family members or independent mediators. Preferably you should seek the assistance of Ulama (learned scholars) to facilitate the process on your behalf.
And Allah Ta'ala knows best
Darul Ihsan Social Department