My wife feels emotionally insecure because of the time I spend on the net. I spend much time emailing and using ‘facebook.’ My wife says she will only feel at ease if I allow her access to my cellular phone and my passwords. I have a clear conscience and nothing to hide but prefer to enjoy my privacy and space.
Does she have a right to make such a request and am I wrong to deny her such access?
Respected Brother in Islam
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
The dilemma facing you is a growing problem among many spouses as the use of social media soars. Using the internet and social media for noble purposes is permitted, however, unchecked usage of these mediums have shown the many harmful effects it is having on society. Therefore, your wife’s concern and request is not devoid of merit.
The relationship shared by a husband and wife is unique in many ways. Keeping a balanced approach and understanding each other is a key to marital bliss. A marriage relationship is a close and intimate bond that leaves very little informality or personal space between the couple. The spouses live to see each other happy and when one feels pain the other is in distress. Social media chat has the tendency to be very time consuming and intrusive. Any intrusion into this private bond, especially if the communication is clandestine is bound to raise the suspicion and anxiety of one’s partner.
We advise you to be easy with your wife and have a ‘hands free’ approach by allowing her access to your communication if you genuinely have nothing to hide. Once your wife is satisfied that you are innocent and loyal, she will gradually lose her curiosity to constantly check your phone. You will not lose anything by being humble and using an approach that will eliminate confrontation. Such an approach will generate an elevated form of trust in the relationship.
However, we would like to offer you a few words of advice on the use of social media.We are all human and must be cautious that the elements of nafs (lowly desire) and shaytaan are ever-present. Utilise the mediums of communication in a permitted manner, with moderation and according to need. Abstain from prohibited and frivolous discussion through unnecessary chatting or texting.
A true believer values time and abstains from vain and useless pursuits.
May Allah Ta’ala protect us and our families.
Darul Ihsan Social Department